Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Tweeting Mom’s advice during foreplay!

The other day I asked my 17 year old niece if she would help with something on the interweb.  Sounding delighted, she said "Sure!"  I told her that I just signed up on Tumblr.  Her tone changed to sounding scared & annoyed as she simply said, "OK?"  After this, she probably deleted her account and began searching for another undiscovered frontier on the information superhighway.   Who can blame her.  If I was her age, I would be focused on getting as far away from any adult who still said "information superhighway" or the "interweb."

Luckily for my niece, that she still has a very hip uncle!  As you can see to the right of this blog, --->
I am very active on a bunch of social networks.  Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Tumblr, Foursquare, You Tube, Google+, MySpace & something called Carbonmade.   OK, so I am a bit narcissistic. 

Facebook is still the most popular social network, but I like how a mundane thought could be turned into comedy gold on Twitter.  At times, I just Tweet anything that is on my mind.  I get more political, goofy and random with my thoughts, then I do on any other social network.  Twitter totally reminds me of Larry King's column in the USA TODAY.

Here is a clip of Norm Macdonald, as Larry King reading the column, in a Saturday Night Live sketch.  This was done before Twitter...heck it was done even before Y2K.  Even though some thoughts by "Larry" would have maxed out the 140 character limit, I think that you get the point.

So with that in mind, I believe that I have been preparing for this column for a few years now.  At least, if you go with the idea that my tweets are worthy for a column.  Here are just a few of my tweets from over the years:

@LOSSANO Do NOT accidentally use Talcum powder instead of Goya seasoning...but using Goya instead of Talcum is perfectly fine! (7/9/11)

@LOSSANO As I walked into the Men's Room, from behind a bathroom stall, I hear a guy singing "Tacos go in, tacos come out!" - Time for me to leave. (11/17/10)

@LOSSANO I just signed onto MySpace to wish a friend a Happy Birthday! Boy will she be surprised if she goes back to 2006 to check it! LOL (9/7/12)

@LOSSANO is eating an apple. Yeah, this is pretty exciting!!! Another apple is coming up! Details soon! (6/15/09)

@LOSSANO To help increase my income, I'm putting an ad in the classifieds to rent out my neighbor's place for when he's away at work. Heat included! (7/11/11)

@LOSSANO Remember, you can only eat the sun at night. A small child once said that to me. THAT I remember, but the important stuff, gone in minutes. (12/4/12)

@LOSSANO got a bit too much sun this weekend...An uneven overcooked look is hot! Right? (6/1/09)

@LOSSANO I had a fun time at lunch with my gal-friend, even if you consider the fact that we sat at different tables...but she looked great, I think. (7/13/11)

@LOSSANO is curled up sleeping for a bit...hope that no one needs this public toilet for awhile. (6/16/09)

@LOSSANO My Mom just got upset to learn that NUDE HIPPO will be replacing the 24 hour weather animation on channel 5.2 starting tomorrow. (10/31/10)

@LOSSANO I am looking for love in all the wrong places, according to the girl who I really like. Her boyfriend also agrees with her on this. (11/30/12)

@LOSSANO is extremely focused on a very blurry and distorted goal. (6/17/09)

@LOSSANO I went out and bought a whole new batch of socks...I then took all of my old socks and make them into puppets. I now have 78 new friends! (7/10/11)

@LOSSANO is out biking again in hopes that he will look good in his casket after all of this! (2/8/09)

@LOSSANO Sorry to hear about the pending divorce for @ZooeyDeschanel - but perhaps good news for me??? ;) (1/4/12)

@LOSSANO is fast asleep at the wheel...but is at least not texting while driving! (1/31/09)

@LOSSANO Whenever someone mentions a name, like, Alison Brie, Kelly Kapowski or Alyssa Milano, I respond with "I think that I use to date her!" (5/23/13)

@LOSSANO believes in love at first sight...but is currently missing his glasses! (6/8/09)

@LOSSANO I am worried that my own approval numbers may be slipping with suburban white females! (11/30/12)

@LOSSANO I am currently writing my acceptance speech...Now only if I could get nominated for something! (11/29/12)

@LOSSANO is going to make up for lost sleep...see you in 2017! (6/10/09)

@LOSSANO My Mom just said, "Its morning! I have to oil my nuts!" I don't understand nor do I want to know! (8/10/10)

@LOSSANO My computer died, so now I am unable to watch Netflix, call anyone using Google phone, tweet on the Twitter...It's like 1978 all over again! (7/15/11)

@LOSSANO My good friend told me that Hawaiian shirts don't ever look good...which to me means that you can wear them with anything! She disagrees! (6/21/12)

@LOSSANO My landlord complained that it was really hot in my place. I now expect for my boss to say that I don't get paid enough. #thingsYOUcontrol (7/12/11)

@LOSSANO My nieces say American Girl Place has boys & girls babies, but then only girl dolls. They think that AGP kill the boys when they turn 2. (7/11/10)

@LOSSANO I am rolling my 401K into my Netflix account to ensure that I will be able to watch old TV shows & movies when I retire. (11/17/10)

@LOSSANO The other day my Mom gave me advice on what women like as foreplay. You know what doesn't work? Thinking about Mom's advice during foreplay! (7/12/11)

Tony Lossano, Broadcast Producer (TV & Radio, Chicago), amateur bicyclist, a fantastic dog walker, and has never been married to Alyssa Milano.

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