Friday, February 14, 2014

Avoid Getting Killed On Valentine's Day!

Well, it is that time of year again, where flowers slowly die and candy hearts are devoured by beautiful girls.  I am an expert when it comes to what the ladies like on Valentine's Day.

This may look like a great way to spend Valentine's Day!
However, this was just a dream that I had...but I am never waking up!
I am not sure that it is better to be a guy in a relationship with a girl, rather than being a guy not in a relationship on Valentine's Day.  I mean, how often does a guy get it right on this day?  And it is all on the guy to get the right gift for this one.  Nowadays, some may say that it should be easy to figure out what a girl likes, just check their Pinterest pages, but have you really seen some of these pages?

They include stuff like;
Good luck finding what she wants here!
Fight bloating with these 10 great foods
Spinach Balls
Gnocchi with Mushrooms and Gorgonzola Sauce
Mint gold and grey bedroom
Cellulite Home Remedy Using Apple Cider Vinegar
Does anyone think that any of those things would be a perfect Valentine's Day gift?  Yet I found all of them on various friend's Pinterest pages.  One of them was even under the category of "VDAY" - Good luck guessing which one!

Now a girl making a guy happy for Valentine's Day is easy.  (Beyond the obvious)

My ideal Valentine's Day gift would include all-of-the-above!
All a girl really has to do is be happy about whatever a guy tried to do for her on this day from hell.  I can tell you that I have tried very hard to get just the perfect gift for "her" and it often was received with an enthusiastic "meh"!

Here are some of the things that could make a memorable Valentine's Day. (I am an expert in the field of what the ladies like!)

Forget Victoria Secrets!  Give her 'Anti-Rape Underwear'!

Yes, undergarments that are difficult to remove from a woman's body says you are in love with her and want to keep her feeling safe!  As Slate's Amanda Hess says;
"nothing makes a woman feel comfortable in her own body like a constant physical reminder that she's expected to guard her genitals against potential sexual assaults at all times."
Make her feel even more special.  Remind her how this is a man's world that has opened up to women being treated almost as equals.  Including letting women join with the men to watch men play professional sports.  So give her a copy of Sports Illustrated so that she could share the excitement with grown men all over, as they fawn over a degrading plastic doll;

Fake is the new real!
If you have started a family with her, you could possibly sue the mother of your children, based on the idea that your offspring are just ugly.  A while back, there was a false story reported online; Man Successfully Sues Wife for Ugly Children, but you could make this a reality, if it applies to you.  It would show that you are paying attention to your kids and show that you are thinking about their future.  That is an attractive feature that all females love.  

Girls like candy, and now you can give them a treat with more meaningful messages on them.  Here are some candy hearts that I made, which I think can be used beyond just on Valentine's Day;

Charlie Brown eloquently summed up how most people view this day and what it means to get a Valentine from someone special in your life; 

...but the real meaning behind this romantic gesture, may be more romantic and meaningful than you had thought;

So, giving a Valentine's Day card, gift, gesture, should not be too difficult, if it is done from the heart, as the meaning is what really matters.   But it would be nice to give something that the other person really likes.  If only there was a way to figure out what the ladies like!

(By the way, if you want to know which Pinterest item that my friend had on her "VDAY" page, it was; "Gnocchi with Mushrooms and Gorgonzola Sauce")

Tony Lossano, Broadcast Producer (TV & Radio, Chicago), amateur bicyclist, a fantastic dog walker, and has never been married to Alyssa Milano.

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